What We're Getting Wrong About Self-Care

I used to think self-care was defined by steamy sauna sessions, relaxing massages, luxurious dinners, weekends away—really, anything that left me feeling pampered and fully disconnected from daily life.

But one day, I realized I had the concept of self-care all wrong. The way I was defining it made it a rare event, something that was almost unattainable.

Do you do the same? And as a result, do you feel like you’re failing at self-care?

My aha! moment came about three years ago when I was looking at my time-blocked schedule for the week. A feeling of desperation surged through my body along with the thought, I have no time for self-care.

But as I looked closer, something shifted. Every day started with a block that read, “Workout”, and the afternoon was rounded out with a block that read, "Dinner Prep”.

The lightbulb went off. Aren’t those two things part of the ultimate form of self-care?

Strategically, I relabeled them in my calendar—and more importantly in my mind—as “SELF-CARE”. (Yes, it was in big block letters!)

The truth is that when we think of self-care, we often associate it with things that are outside of our reach—big blocks of time where we disconnect, days at the spa, luxurious travel, glamorous dates with friends, or maybe fine meals.

But self-care doesn’t have to be that complicated, it doesn’t have to cost us buckets of money, it doesn’t have to involve services offered by another person, and it doesn’t have to be unattainable on the daily. It especially shouldn’t cause us to feel frustrated because it’s an ideal we can’t quite reach.

The Cake and The Icing

There are two parts to self-care. The cake, and the icing. The icing is defined by those things I mentioned above. And the cake—the absolute fundamentals of self-care—include the following:

• Nourishing your body with the right food

• Moving your body with intention

• Giving your body the rest it needs to recover and recharge

Let’s break these down so you understand why these are the foundation of your self-care routine.

1. Self-Care Starts with Your Plate

Eating well is fundamental to your wellness. Without proper nutrition, you risk anything from nutritional deficiencies to obesity, cancer, cardiovascular disease, type 2 diabetes, and more. Those are the long-term risks, but in the short-term, you risk fatigue, difficulty focusing, poor digestion, and physical discomfort.

You might also feel out of alignment when your daily diet doesn’t match what you want for yourself. As a result, a nagging sense of frustration and disappointment may weigh heavily on your mind, influencing your confidence, your belief in yourself, your mood, and ultimately, how you show up for yourself in life.

What does nutritional self-care look like?

Nutritional self-care can be as simple as incorporating protein and veggies into each of your meals and snacks. It might mean setting aside 20 minutes a day to plan and prepare so that you can make this happen, so that you aren’t resorting to take-out, fast food, or highly processed meal options that will negatively impact your health and wellness over time.

Even if the food prep you do is partly for others in your life, how you put your meals together in a way that aligns with your goals is the part of food prep that is solely about your own self-care.

2. Move Like You Matter

Exercise has transformative effects on all parts of your body—and mind. From acting as a defense against everything from obesity to mood disorders, moving your body with intention is one of the most profound things you can do for your well-being. It can help with stress, boost creativity, improve memory, lighten your mood, better your sleep, and it may reduce hunger.

Challenging yourself with movement can also inspire self-confidence, feelings of empowerment, more energy, and a sense of motivation to change other behaviours.

What does self-care through movement look like?

It’s hard not to get caught up in the weeds of seeking the “best” type of movement. For example, should you do weights, long cardio sessions, HIIT workouts, yoga or Pilates?

The truth is that they are all good for you for different reasons. So, don’t overthink it. Simply start with the thing you most want to do and focus on making it a consistent part of your self-care routine—even 10 to 20 minutes a day is going to stack up!

3. Rest: The Unsung Hero of Self-Care

To function at your best, adequate rest is a necessity. When you’re sleep deprived, you’re less in control of your mood, you’re more impulsive, you’ll have more cravings, and you’ll eat more. You’ll also struggle to stay focused and tackle complex mental tasks. None of these elements will have you living your best life.

It’s ironic then that when we’re stressed and overwhelmed, we sacrifice sleep in the name of “self-care”. We’d rather binge watch tv, binge scroll our phones, and binge eat because it feels like self-care. In reality, sacrificing sleep for these other behaviours is self-sabotage.

What does self-care through rest look like?

You’ve heard before that the ideal window of sleep is between seven and nine hours. To get within that recommended amount, you might need to build your schedule in reverse.

For example, if you get up at 6am and your self-care sleep plan has you aiming for eight hours, lights out must be by 10pm. If you need time to unwind by reading in bed for 20-30 minutes, you have to be there by 930pm. If you need another 15 minutes to wash your face and brush your teeth, that process will have to start by 915pm to make it all work.

How does your night have to unfold to achieve your goal?

Prioritize the Cake, Not the Icing

If you’re like me, it may not have occurred to you that the basics of self-care are found in the mundane: eating well, moving well, and resting well. It’s nice to go for spa treatments, plan weekends away with friends, and indulge in fantastic meals, but it’s the boring day-to-day stuff that truly sets the groundwork for living your best life. Without a healthy body and a healthy mind, there is no massage, brunch, quiet moment, or trip that can overcome the gap.

The goal of self-care isn’t to be disconnected, it’s to sink your teeth into what matters. What’s one thing that you’re already doing that feels like a chore that you can reframe as an essential part of your ultimate self-care routine?

This simple mindset shift may be the catalyst you need to welcome more of these fundamental forms of self-care into your life, rather than seeing them as an obligation, chore, or something you have to do. This small mindset shift may help you realize these are all things you get to do to support your best life.