The Surprising Truth About Sleep After 40 (and How to Make It Better)

Lately, it seems sleep quality has been on the minds of many. It’s come up in conversations with clients and acquaintances alike. What I hear is that falling asleep is not the problem—staying asleep is. And it feels different than it once did.

I don’t remember having deep conversations about sleep with my friends when I was in my thirties. Back then, if we weren’t sleeping well, it was self-inflicted and so we rarely complained or saw it as a problem.

Now, when I talk about sleep with people, no one is doing it with a faraway last-night-was-so-fun look in their eyes. Instead, I see frustration and a tinge of desperation.

With the hectic, demanding days characteristic of the lives of my friends and clients, good sleep isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity.

And from back-to-back meetings to bedtime battles with kids, most people I know are running on empty and they are downright exhausted.

You probably are too. As a result, you’d think sleep would be easy. So why isn’t it?

Four Reasons Deep, Restful Sleep Is Harder Than It Used to Be

1. The Need to Pee

The hormone, aldosterone, is a big contributor to middle of the night wakeups as we age. That’s because aldosterone helps to regulate fluid balance. It declines with age, which is why we find ourselves needing to pee in the middle of the night in ways we never did before.

2. Changing Sex Hormones

Declining estrogen and progesterone also contribute to sleep disruptions among women, particularly during perimenopause and menopause. Estrogen helps regulate body temperature and supports the production of serotonin and melatonin—key players in the sleep-wake cycle. As estrogen decreases, it’s common to be awakened by hot flashes and night sweats. Progesterone, known for its calming effects, also drops, leaving us with a decline in natural sleep-promoting benefits.

3. Reduced Sleep Hormones

Melatonin is the hormone that signals the body to prepare for sleep. As we age, it also decreases, meaning it can be more difficult to fall asleep and stay asleep.

4. The Weight of The World

A demanding job, aging parents, a house to run, and kids who still need you—even if they’re grown. The mental load of midlife is heavy, and it often follows you straight into bed. You might fall asleep just fine, only to wake hours later with your brain already solving tomorrow’s problems.

Adjust Your Expectations

Wake After Sleep Onset (WASO)—the time spent awake after falling asleep—increases after age 35 and again after 55. That doesn’t mean your sleep can’t be restful, but it does mean it’s time to redefine what “good” sleep looks like. You may not sleep as deeply or as uninterrupted as you did in your 20s, and that’s okay. But that doesn’t mean your sleep can’t still be restful and restorative.

Sometimes, just knowing it’s normal to wake up helps ease the frustration that can keep you awake longer. Interestingly, research shows that women tend to think they sleep worse than they actually do—while men tend to think they sleep better than they do.

Waking Up Isn’t the Problem

The truth is that waking up throughout the night has always been a normal part of your sleep—you just didn’t know it. Sleep occurs in 90–110 minute cycles, moving through light sleep, deep sleep, and REM stages. Between each cycle, your brain has brief awakenings, called micro-arousals, that you usually don’t remember.

But, as sleep gets lighter with age or stress, you're simply more aware of these moments. Recognizing this can ease the pressure to have “perfect” sleep and help you return to sleep more quickly.

What You Can Do to Support Better Sleep

Despite the factors outside your control, there are things you can do to support deeper, more consistent sleep:

Eat Right

Prioritize protein at dinner. It contains tryptophan, an amino acid that helps produce serotonin and melatonin—key players in the sleep process. But beware what you pair with your protein as heavy, rich meals close to bedtime can disrupt digestion and lead to restless sleep.

Drink Right

With less aldosterone to manage fluid balance, late-night bathroom trips are more likely. Try cutting off large amounts of fluids by 5pm. Also, while alcohol might help you fall asleep, it disrupts your ability to stay asleep, often leading to fragmented, low-quality rest. That groggy, irritable morning-after feeling? Thank the wine.

Move Right

Regular movement can be a powerful ally for sleep, as it helps reduce stress, balance hormones, and increase sleep drive—making it easier to fall and stay asleep. However, intense exercise too close to bedtime can elevate cortisol and body temperature, potentially making it harder to get a good night’s sleep.

Prepare Right

A consistent sleep ritual can go a long way. Try white noise, a fan, or earplugs to mask noisy partners or pets so that unexpected noises aren’t the thing that wakes you up—and keeps you up. Make your room as dark as possible with blackout curtains or a sleep mask, because your body is wired to wake when it senses light. A cool room (around 15–17°C) can also help, especially if you're prone to overheating.

De-Stress Right

Do a quick brain dump, jot down a to-do list, or journal for a few minutes before bed. This process can clear mental clutter and worry, while signaling to your brain that it's safe to let go for the night. This small act of externalizing thoughts reduces the chances that your mind will begin to race the moment your eyes snap open in the middle of the night. Everything that needs to be pondered or strategized around is already accounted for and won’t be forgotten because of sleep.

Schedule Right

You can’t expect to get 7+ hours of sleep if you’re only in bed for 6. If you read or wind down for 30 minutes, build that into your bedtime buffer. Lights off should match the amount of sleep you’re hoping to get—not just when you crawl under the covers.

The Takeaway

It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that “good sleep” means 7–8 uninterrupted hours, but that expectation can create more stress when you inevitably wake up. The truth is, waking during the night is normal—what matters more is how you respond to it. Instead of lying awake feeling frustrated or anxious, reminding yourself that these wakeups are part of a healthy sleep cycle can reduce the emotional charge and help you return to sleep more quickly.

Shifting your expectations doesn’t mean giving up on better sleep—it means letting go of perfection so you can focus on what is within your control. And there’s a lot you can do. Supporting your hormones, setting up a better sleep environment, building a wind-down routine, and managing stress in simple, consistent ways all stack the odds in favor of more restful, restorative sleep. And you deserve sleep that supports your busy, beautiful, and brilliant life.

📩Did something here give you insight or lighten your mental load? If so, can you think of a friend, colleague, or family member that would also have a better day because of it? Consider sharing the link with them—you never know whose day you might help shift for the better.