It’s no secret that change is hard. Many a client has come to me wanting the results of change, but not really buying into the change process itself.

Change means saying no to something so you can say yes to something else.

The problem? Not everyone wants to give up what’s comfortable even if the outcome has the potential to be life changing.

And it’s 100% relatable. To clean up your nutrition, for example, you have to say no to a LOT of things: mindless eating, regular indulgences, impulsive meal decisions and timing, overeating, using food to solve uncomfortable emotions, you name it! There are a lot of things to say no to and you may not feel like what you’ll gain will be worth the sacrifice. You want the outcome—better health, better body composition, more energy—but the process seems too hard.

So, it’s natural that when it comes to change, whether it’s your nutrition or some other habit you’re trying to incorporate, you might feel stuck. You want to change and yet, you can’t seem to break free of your current habits. It might leave you asking, “What the heck is wrong with me?!”

The answer? Nothing at all. You’re human and we are a complicated species.

But there are some questions that you can ask yourself that may help you feel more decisive and ready to take action or accept that change is not right for you, right now—and maybe not ever.  These questions will help you peel back the layers of your change resistance and truly assess what you have to give up and whether it’s as much of a sacrifice as you suspect it will be.

Here are the questions:

• What’s good about NOT changing?

• What might be BAD about changing?

Several years ago, I used these exact questions to conquer my tendency to be a Revenge Bedtime Procrastinator (RBP). An RBP stays up late, refusing to go to bed since it’s their only time to relax and unwind because of stress or a lack of free time earlier in the day. It’s a way to feel in control and like you’re “getting back at” the factors that otherwise take away your sense of control.

Staying up late gave me a sense of agency over my time that I didn’t necessarily feel throughout the day. I’d get up at 4am, which would set off a rush to get my workout done, a rush to get myself and my son ready and out the door so I could get to work on time, where I would rush around all day, only to rush to daycare on my way home, then rush through dinner, bath-time, bedtime, and kitchen clean up time. Finally, I’d sit on the couch to watch TV and breathe.

Logically, I knew that after falling asleep, the next thing to come would be the sound of my morning alarm. And because I cringed at the thought of another day like the last, staying up late made me feel like I was building in an enjoyable buffer before it all started again. This was my way of staying one step ahead of my alarm and the next morning’s relentless river of priorities.

Unfortunately, like all RBPs, I was mistaken about the target of my revenge—it wasn’t the alarm and the next morning that was suffering—it was me! I was only making myself more miserable by shorting my sleep and it was getting progressively harder to cope with the busyness of those days.

Don’t our brains do funny things?

I really wanted to kick this habit, so I used those questions to explore where my resistance to going to bed earlier was coming from.

When I asked myself what was GOOD about staying up late, here’s what I came up with (I still have the notes):

✅I got downtime

✅I got to watch TV

✅I had time to myself

✅I had more time each night

✅My days felt longer, in a good way

When I asked myself what would be BAD about going to bed earlier, I wrote:

🤯I wouldn’t be able to watch as much TV (that’s all I really did between 9 and 11pm)

It was that simple. I could not come up with other real drawbacks when it came to changing my late-night habit. It turns out that I didn’t really care about time to myself or lengthening my day, I just wanted to numb out while watching TV. I knew the extra TV time wasn’t enriching my life and it certainly wasn’t worth the mental and emotional exhaustion I was experiencing.

And that was enough for me to start prioritizing an earlier bedtime. But, if I hadn’t written those questions out and taken a hard look at what it was that I was afraid of giving up, I wouldn’t have made the change.

Try the process out for yourself. Identify one habit that you’ve been thinking about changing for awhile but you haven’t felt quite ready to dive into yet.

Write the change out: I’ve been thinking about ______________________.

Then ask:

• What’s good about NOT changing?

• What might be BAD about changing?

   

Set a timer for five minutes and each time you feel like you are out of answers, ask yourself, “What else?” It can be helpful to prompt yourself at least five times to dig deep enough to get at what your brain is clinging to.

Then objectively consider what you came up with. What did it reveal? Do you feel ready to move past those things and focus on changing your habit OR did it solidify what you already suspected was true—that the cost of change is too steep?

If you didn’t get the quick clarity that I did after those first two questions, go on to ask yourself two follow-up questions. Don’t forget to set your five-minute timer here too and keep prompting, “What else?” when you feel like you’ve run out of answers. Dig deep:

• What might be GOOD about changing?

• What might be BAD about NOT changing?

   

From my own sleep perspective, feeling more rested, enhanced mental clarity, and a better mood would have been winning answers to the first question. The opposite effects were the result of not changing and they were my current status quo—feeling exhausted, sluggish, frustrated, grumpy, stressed, overwhelmed, and anxious.

What does this process reveal about your readiness for change? Sometimes the simple act of objectively assessing your reasons for change or strong feelings of ambivalence or resistance can bring clarity. The back and forth between “I should change” and “I don’t feel like it” can cause a lot of mental drama, overwhelm, exhaustion, and self-judgement.

Running through these questions will help you feel more decisive. Change or don’t change—only you can decide what’s right for you but making the decision, once and for all, will lighten your load.