It’s been a hair more than three years since I left my once-beloved job because of burnout. In those precious few weeks after taking “early retirement” at the age of 43, I had a choice to make—continue to grind on as the faded version of myself that I’d become OR intentionally edit my identity in order to reclaim my health and my happiness.
Have you ever found yourself at a similar fork in the road? Maybe you’re there right now, overwhelmed and exhausted like I was. Like you aren’t sure you can trudge on another day in the same shoes, but you have no idea how to make things better.
If this is where you are, take it from me: You don’t need to blow up your life like I did to find some relief. You might just need to change how you think about your life and your perceived role in it. It’s time to peel back the layers and understand how your identity and your mindset are setting you up for burnout.
The Mindset-Identity Connection
When I started my journey, I had to let go of the things that had set me up for burnout, namely the relentless people-pleasing, overachieving perfectionist in me that believed my worth was tied to my productivity. This extreme mindset drove me to push beyond exhaustion, because it was a part of my identity. It’s just “who I was”.
Mindset and identity directly influence each other, both shaping the actions you take. Identity is the sense of who you are, shaped by your values, experiences, and self-perception. It includes aspects like personal characteristics, social roles, and beliefs about oneself. Mindset is the collection of beliefs, attitudes, and thought patterns that shape how you perceive and respond to the world. It influences your behaviors, decision-making, and resilience in the face of challenges.
Both are important when it comes to your risk of burnout. For example, if your identity is tied to being perfect, ensuring that you respond to the needs of everyone around you, all while being a high achiever, you’ll struggle to prioritize your own needs.
And if your mindset is programmed to see life as a constant grind, where there’s never enough time to stay on top of “everything”, your actions will reinforce that belief. And you’ll continue putting your to-do list ahead of your well-being.
But here’s the good news: You can shift both your mindset and identity! Changing the way you think can gradually reshape your identity, and redefining your identity can reinforce a healthier mindset.
Ready to get started? This is the three step process that I used to ditch my old mindset and edit my identity to step into the calmer, softer, more self-compassionate human that I’ve become:
Step 1: Notice your thoughts
Becoming aware of how your thoughts and internal self-talk shape your identity and your feelings about yourself and your role in the world is the first step. Observe, without judgement, the thoughts you have about who you are and the lens through which you view your life. Consider these three questions:
Do I believe my worth is tied to my productivity or ability to please others?
Do I prioritize everyone else’s needs before my own, even at the cost of my well-being?
Do I feel guilty or uncomfortable when I set boundaries or take time for myself?
Are you relentlessly fixated on trying to do more and be more? If so, how does that influence how you take care of yourself? For example, do your thoughts about what you “have” to do allow you to slow down enough to listen to and act on what you need?
Step 2: Disrupt the patterns
Once you become aware of the thoughts that define who you are and how you think, can you begin to disrupt the ones that don’t serve you? For example, if you catch yourself thinking that you don’t have time to workout because you feel compelled to do something that serves another person or a work priority, reframe that time for yourself as “putting on your oxygen mask”.
Without adequate self-care, you’re no help to anyone—instead, you’re exhausted, frustrated, moody, and highly irritable (at least I was!). The goal is to replace the de-prioritization of your own needs with a new, empowering belief that supports your desire for growth rather than your need to grind. Believe me that when you make this shift, those around you will actually thank you.
Step 3: Reward the change
It’s crucial to observe how new thoughts influence how you begin to see yourself, what you’re capable of, and what you deserve. Reinforce positive shifts by celebrating small wins. When you choose to prioritize self-care without guilt, acknowledge that progress. When you set a boundary, take a moment to appreciate the strength it took to set it. Reflecting on the benefits of change will make the change feel more rewarding, which will reinforce the work you’re doing.
At first, these shifts will feel uncomfortable and your old mindset will push back—I still argue with myself about working “normal hours” because the idea that success is tied to 16-hour days is so deeply entrenched. That’s why consistency is key—you have to keep disrupting the thought patterns and in time, your mindset and identity will shift. You’ll start to believe that you’re worthy of health, happiness, and most of all, balance. And as your thoughts change, so will your actions. You’ll find yourself setting boundaries that honor your energy rather than deplete it—and as a result, you’ll feel lighter, freer, and more at peace.
And that’s something you deserve.
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