Week to week, I’m ever grateful for the powerful conversations that I get to have with my clients. Those that have amazing success in my program are incredibly devoted to their personal growth, despite the temporary icky discomfort that forging beyond their own status quo brings. And gosh darn, is it ever inspiring to watch these people cast aside their limited sense of what they’re capable of and experience their “transformative moment”.
The one I’m about to share with you is one of those hair raising, tingly skin experiences where real change occurred.
I always like to keep my clients’ stories anonymous, so I’ll refer to this person as Micha. Micha has been very focused on bringing a sense of calm to her life, centering on how she channels her work stress. Her mindset around work causes her a lot of angst and overwhelm and she has historically used food Band-Aids to temporarily treat those uncomfortable emotions.
The drive to eat when she is not hungry brings up a lot of frustration and feelings of failure. Why can’t I just stick to my food goals? is something that echoes through her head. This has surfaced as the barrier to reaching her weight loss goal. She, like many people, has believed for a long time that when she gets to a certain number on the scale, she’ll finally be happy.
Another very relatable thing about Micha is that she has some perfectionist tendencies. And because she hasn’t felt like she’s been living up to her own expectations, it gets her thinking about all the other things she’s not “good” at. That self-talk has been casting a shadow and manifesting strongly in the workplace. She’s felt uncomfortable in her body, which has impacted her confidence and the way she shows up.
Micha has been dressing and performing at work so that she blends in and doesn’t draw attention. This has been intentional, but it has left her feeling unremarkable and unmemorable.
Two descriptors that no one would want etched on their headstone.
Week after week, we’ve been flipping these internal assessments to focus on ALL the amazing things that she is and does. We’ve been reflecting repeatedly on where her strengths and unique superpowers lie.
And bam! She experienced her transformative moment.
Micha suddenly stopped allowing the one thing that she was frustrated with to make her feel wholly inadequate. Eating when she was stressed didn’t define her, all of the things she does well and does consistently are what define her and make her the exceptional person she is.
With that breath of fresh air, she dropped the onus of perfection, which lightened her mind and unlocked something in her. And with that release, a great idea emerged: Stop waiting for the scale to tell you its time to be happy—just be happy, now!
When she objectively thought about her own recipe for happiness, she realized she already had all the ingredients. The number on the scale wasn’t essential or even meaningful. Micha’s big moment came when she realized she had the power to stop waiting for tomorrow to come and she could just start living her life the way she wanted to live it.
Once she recognized this, she stopped hiding. She bought the type of clothes she would wear if she was at her “ideal” weight and started dressing how she wanted to—brightly, femininely, happily, proudly. She stood taller and she started showing up at work more boldly, taking charge, and speaking her mind.
She’s felt freer and has taken control of what matters to her. She’s prioritizing herself more and people pleasing less. She’s not obsessing about her perceived imperfections—she’s taking a much calmer, shades of grey approach to her life and her expectations of self. She has followed through on a plethora of things that she would have given up on previously, when she convinced herself that she wasn’t “doing it right”.
Is this an area where you struggle? Are you also waiting for things to be “perfect” so you CAN be happy? Are you like Micha was, focusing on the tiny things that aren’t going well, or waiting for the scale to give you permission to be happy?
First off, who the hell gave the scale such power?
And secondly—until you realize the happiness, the confidence, and the joy that you seek is already in you, getting the scale to say what you want it to will always be a struggle.
When your mind is in a frustrated state, constantly berating you about not making progress, it puts your body in a frustrated state. Feeling chronically unhappy can drive up your cortisol, which can influence the storage of body fat. It can also impact your appetite, your sleep, your relationships, your work, your ability to focus, and your sense of motivation.
And guess what? This all adds more stress to your body.
How do you cope? Perhaps by slapping that temporary food Band-Aid on your feelings, giving up on working out, and making a list of the other areas where you’re failing.
You know how the rest goes. The stress cycle feeds itself from within, growing in intensity like a tropical storm pulling energy from the too-warm ocean.
The result? The scale inches up and your mindset spirals down.
This is why it’s so important to practice mindset work when trying to lose weight. Before you can have real, sustainable wins around your body goals, you need to overcome the negative, defeatist thinking and break the stress cycle.
The first step is to understand that happiness is not derived through accomplishment—happiness is a state of mind. The number on the scale is not responsible for your happiness, any more than your partner, your job, your friends, or your kids are.
You are.
And if you’re ready to embrace your life for what it is in this exact moment like Micha did, to choose to live in the light that you want to be in, to let the weight lift from your mind, the stress you’re putting yourself under may just begin to recede.
And suddenly, because you’re no longer focused on what you’re NOT achieving, the journey to being in the body you WANT to be may suddenly become that much easier.
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