A funny (and predictable) thing happened last week. It was back to school for my kiddo, which meant my work schedule was returning to a normal flow. Just like many parents, I was cheering to myself, “Freeeeeedom!!!” and I felt like I had SO MUCH TIME.
Because of that, I left writing my weekly email to Wednesday, despite it needing to go out early the next morning. I had from 11am to 3pm to get it done. Tons of time, right?
You’d think. Until I latched onto the disruptive internal chatter that said it wasn’t going to be enough time. And the stress bug bit me.
Symptoms included:
full on avoidance of the task
that convincing inner voice telling me I deserved to take some time for myself and relax
a sudden and uncontrollable desire for both salty and sweet snacks
unauthorized and unchecked time spent scrolling news headlines on my phone
Basically, I procrastinated and tried to soothe my cranky brain with food and pleasurable distractions—also known as instant gratification.
The unfortunate part? The newsletter still had to be written and I felt better in absolutely no way. In fact, I felt worse because I had wasted time and eaten things I wasn’t hungry for.
Does this ever happen to you? You have some big, important task to do and you know you’ll feel better once it’s done, but the internal resistance is so massive that you avoid, avoid, avoid.
It could be a big work project, applying for a job, packing for a trip, cleaning your house, food prep, yard work, a school assignment, or some life administrative task.
Instead of tackling it, you go into avoidance mode and shut down.
But why does this happen?
It’s simple. Our brains hate discomfort and will look for the quickest way to relieve it. Eating, scrolling your phone, watching tv, reading a novel, napping, or doing something pleasurable in the face of something stressful is a normal and instinctive response. Your brain is just trying to help you solve a problem in the fastest way it knows how.
You might even engage in busy work so you feel like you’re doing something. For example, you may find yourself compelled to clean your bathrooms, rather than dig into food prep. Maybe your brain thinks it’s easier to scrub a toilet than it is to scrub a carrot.
You feel better because you’re not wasting time—you’re still doing things that need to be done—but regardless, you still haven’t dealt with THE BIG PROBLEM and it lingers, gnawing at you and causing you to feel continually stressed, despite those shiny toilets staring back at you.
While your brain is trying to be helpful, these approaches only provide temporary relief. Your brain is using the wrong tool to solve the problem!
Instant gratification is not what you need. What you need is to lean into the discomfort and eliminate the actual problem. That’s the relief your brain is seeking. It wants to feel empowered, capable, and successful—and it can only do this when the problem is no longer a problem.
So, how do you move from a place of being stuck, blocked, and overwhelmed to a place of relief, satisfaction, and empowerment?
You follow these three steps:
First, you become aware.
You understand that when faced with something you don’t want to do, your brain is going to come up with a whole lot of creative alternatives. So, when you feel procrastination kicking in, ask yourself what you’re avoiding. What unsolved problem is driving the feeling of stress, anxiety, or overwhelm?
Second, you accept that you’re normal.
You are a beautiful and unique snowflake in so many ways, but not when it comes to your stress response. It’s been hardwired into the human brain since the beginning of time. Your brain, and everyone else’s, will want to solve difficult emotions and discomfort by trying to go around the problem.
Offer yourself compassion. You are normal! You’re not weird, broken, lazy, or lacking in willpower or some other fundamental trait that everyone but you seems to have.
You are also not a procrastinator. This is not who you are. The act of procrastinating is simply a stress coping behaviour. You’re using it because you haven’t yet learned more effective ways of responding to certain kinds of discomfort.
It’s key to be kind to yourself in these moments to prevent adding more stressful feelings to the situation, such as guilt and shame.
Third, you get strategic.
Acknowledge that without taking conscious and strategic action to solve the real problem, the discomfort will linger…and build, causing more stress, and more procrastination. [Ooops, did I just waste my entire weekend sitting on the couch watching Netflix and eating Chicago Mix?]
Ultimately, there’s no better solution to discomfort than to eliminate the obstacle, which means simply doing the thing that you’re avoiding. Solve the problem and the problem is no longer a problem. This is what your brain truly wants—it wants the daunting task to go away. But to do this, you have to reimagine the problem so that it no longer feels threatening.
One way to remove the power is to break it down into bite sized pieces. Your brain needs a starting place.
So, get out your favourite pen and a piece of paper and make a list of all the small steps that go into tackling THE BIG PROBLEM. If it’s food prep that you’re currently hating on, make a list of what needs to be done:
get out pots and pans
turn on oven
wash vegetables
chop onions
chop peppers
shred cabbage
stir-fry veggies
roast corn
roast chicken breast
cook rice
pack into meal-sized containers
wipe counters
do dishes
take garbage out
Whether it’s a big work project or food prep, when it’s broken out on paper, it’s simple, and because of this, the overwhelm goes away. It no longer feels like an emotional problem. Suddenly it’s a logical problem. And it’s infinitely easier to take action.
Start with the least onerous task. Tick it off when it’s done. Your brain will get so MUCH satisfaction that it will immediately feel soothed and dare I say, excited, to get the next task ticked off.
Practice this strategic approach to any problem where you feel resistance rise and you know hours of procrastination and avoidance are in your immediate future. The more you practice breaking seemingly overwhelming problems into their smaller, doable parts, the more you’ll train your brain to approach problems objectively.
Soon you’ll notice that you’re ditching avoidant coping behaviours and regularly opting to take strategic action that moves you through discomfort and challenge with barely the blink of an eye. You’ll feel capable, resourceful, and best of all, in control.
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