The holidays are about to descend upon us like that magical soft blanket of the first snowfall. Right now, there’s excitement as you lean into the joy of picking out thoughtful gifts and connecting with the friends and family that matter most.

But in a couple of weeks, the magic might begin to wear thin and instead, you start feeling like you’re trapped in a blinding blizzard, with no way out. You can barely breathe. You’re overwhelmed, you’re overstimulated, and you just need A BREAK!

Does that sound like the you of holiday seasons past?

Before you get to THAT place this year, here are three mindset strategies for mitigating holiday overwhelm:

Mindset Strategy 1: Focus on the opportunity, not the obligation

In the first few weeks of the holiday season, there’s that magic, that excitement! Everything feels new and there’s much to look forward to—you’re focused on all that you get to do.

But after week three, four, five of shopping and hosting and hustling, the sparkle begins to tarnish. You’re drained, irritated, and starting to feel resentful. Your mood is dark and heavy and focused on all the things you have to do. Obligation dominates and the holiday season now feels like a grind.

To avoid getting to this place, be mindful of your thoughts and how they start to change. Notice when that feeling of newness and excitement begins to slip away and the scratchy, Grinch-like hands of obligation seize control. To bring yourself back to the opportunity of it all, remind yourself of what you’re grateful for this holiday season—friends, family, love, connection, laughter, the joy of giving and receiving—and get focused on all that you still get to do.

Mindset Strategy 2: Be clear about your boundaries

There’s no better way to create dissatisfaction with the holidays than to plan everything around making everyone else happy.

If you’re spending countless hours planning the perfect holiday party or running yourself ragged to get everything on their wish list, ask yourself, What am I doing it all for? If you’re looking for validation or to avoid disappointing others, but your actions bring you zero joy and a boatload of resentment—check yourself. What internal boundaries do you need to put in place so you don’t lose sight of your own needs?

And if everyone is leaning on you to do the heavy lifting and you’re burnt out and miserable, it might be time to set some external boundaries as well. Will this be the year you instigate some new holiday traditions? For example, can you do a potluck, order in, or buy some prepared dishes instead of doing it ALL from scratch?

One of my favourite pieces of wisdom goes like this:

“You can do anything, but you can’t do everything.”

Remember that phrase as you get deep into the holiday season this year. Will it help you rethink what you choose to take on?

Mindset Strategy 3: You can’t control your first thought, but you can control your second thought

Changing your mindset takes work, especially around the holiday season because you’ve had years of reinforcing the holiday mindset that you currently have. But if you aspire to enjoy the holidays on a different level this time around, paying attention to your thoughts is the only real way to do it.

That’s because you can only control your own thoughts, feelings, behaviours, and the action you take. You can’t control any of these aspects when it comes to other people. So, if you want to change things, that change has to start with you.

Recognize that unwelcome thoughts will rise to the surface over the holiday season. But while you can’t control that first thought, you can control what comes next.

For example, you can either dismiss a negative thought, replace it with something more constructive, or open the floodgates and let those dark thoughts spiral and define you.

To give an example, maybe your partner doesn’t get you the one thing that you had on your Christmas list this year. Your first thought might be: “Wow, he/she just never listens.” 

Here are your options:

Fact-check it: Is it true? I’m betting your partner does listen, at least some of the time. Therefore, it would be false to say that they “never” listen. So, dismiss that thought as untrue

Replace it: Think to yourself, Haha, funny brain, that’s a good one! My partner bought me something that they remembered me saying I loved 6-months ago. It was incredibly thoughtful and they didn’t need to look at my Christmas list to know what I would appreciate!

Let the thoughts multiply: Let your brain go wild with other similar thoughts, Wow, he/she just never listens. Like last night, when I was telling them the most important part of my day, and they just asked, “What do you want to watch tonight?” My experiences just don’t matter. It’s just like that one time… You can see where this will go. You’ll spin an inner narrative about how your partner doesn’t respect you, listen to you, or show up for you—you’ll be packing around a Santa-sized sack of resentment for the rest of the day, if not the rest of the year.

This one example shows you the pitfalls of letting your thoughts run wild and unchecked—the result is something no one wants to experience during the holidays, much less any other time of the year.

That’s the power of mindset. Choose how you want to experience this holiday season and sweep the thoughts that won’t allow for that to the side, focus on what matters, take care of yourself by setting boundaries, and above all else, create a peaceful and joy filled experience that you can look back on with love and contentment. That’s the kind of gift you’ll never want to return.